you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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