Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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