a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
