Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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