I must be too annoying 4 u.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
