so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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