dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
