Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
