There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
