accomplished twins. life is a go
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Your cock deserves a montage
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
