i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
