12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
