The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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