Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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