Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
