So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
