This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
