he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
