no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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