I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
