at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
