Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
