I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i may or may not be watching the land before time
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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