i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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