I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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