Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
