It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
