so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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