woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
