Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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