i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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