It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
