There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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