He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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