After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
