i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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