The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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