They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
