Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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