NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
