drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
BRING THE BAGELS
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
