You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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