idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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