Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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