grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
