I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Shame - the story of my life.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
