Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
