I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Enjoy the penises
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
