Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
