If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I could make wine with my vomit
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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