OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
smell my finger.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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